


hold me down

by SunshineExploder



Series: badlands [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: "the man" is Thomas Jefferson ok, Abusive Relationship, Basically Alexander is very conflicted, Cheating, John Laurens just wants Alexander to be happy, M/M, Thomas Jefferson is a dick, but he's very angry, domestic abuse, save him, these are gonna be short stories ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2018-08-10 07:19:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7835338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunshineExploder/pseuds/SunshineExploder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Alexander sold his soul so long ago."</p>
            </blockquote>





	hold me down

Alexander sold his soul long ago. It sits unused somewhere, rotting away without breath to keep it going. And Alexander’s body rots, too, laying with a man who isn’t John. The man’s name doesn’t matter, not really. He’s a tall, smug three-piece that Alexander thinks he’s never loved. But Alexander will also give himself up to anyone who will call him holy. Even if it’s said through lying teeth.

The man probably knows Alexander sneaks out the back door every day to go see John. And honestly, he probably doesn’t care. At the end of the day, it’s him who holds Alexander down and reminds him that Alexander doesn’t own his body just by virtue of living in it. It’s him who delights in drowning Alexander in tides of unconsciousness. It’s a game to him. A game Alexander could never win.

The game grows tiresome at times. Yes, Alexander steps out every day and is allowed to bask in the purer love John gives him. John doesn’t knock him out or toy with him for fun. John is an angel and a reprieve from the devil who signed a contract for ownership of Alexander’s heart. Even though it’s meant to be under lock and key, it beats (if faintly) in Alexander’s chest to the tune of John’s name.

But John’s love can’t always hold Alexander up. Sometimes, the man has real trouble crushing Alexander. John is the spine in Alexander’s back when he’s forced on his knees. It’s fun for the man then, he gets to take Alexander apart vertebrae by vertebrae, hold him up to the light and see just how helpless and thin his bones really are.

When Alexander can’t find that spine, though, it’s no fun. Those are the times when he’ll succumb so easily, when knocking him down is about as difficult as flicking off a light switch. There’s no point in holding him down on those days. Alexander will stay down himself. The man doesn’t even have to try. He hurts Alexander the worst on those days, wishing more than anything that Alexander will tell him “no”. Wishing more than anything that somebody, anybody will tell him “no”.

Still, no one tells the man “no” and Alexander takes the beating and runs to John. John patches him up, insists that he leave the man. John fights and rages and lets out his demons because  _ just leave him, come live with me, goddammit, Alexander, you’re doing this to yourself! _

But Alexander doesn’t leave. He stays and stays and stays and he sold his soul so long ago that maybe this is what he lives for now.

**Author's Note:**

> So many metaphors and shit.


End file.
